If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise. — Johann von Goethe (1749-1832)

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Recruitment is defined among other things as “the action of finding new people to join an organization or support a cause.” (Oxford Dictionaries) It is so common to come across the claim that you are recruited into being gay, that you choose to be gay having been lured into this “lifestyle.” Speaking on behalf of myself, I can say that I was not recruited into being gay. Same sex attraction manifests itself naturally in me. It is who I am. During my formative years in the latter half of the 1970s the only impression I got of homosexuality (aside from a steady stream of disparaging, anti-gay jokes, remarks and slurs commonly in use at the time), was from a series of news reports about police raids on bathhouses in Toronto,  culminating in Operation Soap in 1981. The impression of the “gay lifestyle” presented to me really came up short if it was intended to win me as a recruit.  I have written about my experience in how I came to accept that I am gay in previous posts, see Tap, Tap, Tap…, for example. It was a long and difficult process that dragged on over several years. I tried desperately to ignore, suppress, will, even pray away the feelings of same sex attraction. For a long time I really wanted the gayness to go away.

For people struggling with feelings of same sex attraction, who feel they should suppress these feelings, there are Christian groups that offer counseling, even a “cure” for homosexuality. There is a Roman Catholic Ministry, the Courage Apostolate, an organization that counsels chastity for homosexual persons and there is an interdenominational ministry (Protestant) called Exodus International, which claims it can cure people of their feelings of same sex attraction through therapy. There is a delicious irony in this if you pause and think about it: here we have Church groups actively recruiting gay people in an effort to bring them to the faith and convince them to deny who they really are. How often is it you hear the accusation (particularly from Church groups) that gay people are recruiting children and young people into their “lifestyle”? Seriously, though, the struggle for self-acceptance is pervasive among gay people, particularly young gay people. I appreciate that the Courage Apostolate, Exodus International and like-minded groups reach out in this way with the best of intentions. However, the fact remains, as the saying goes, “the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.”

In what I observed over the years, the struggle for acceptance of being gay is quite common for gay people as is the desire to suppress their feelings of same sex attraction. There are gay men who take up heterosexual marriage and family life in an effort to conform to the expectations of their families and the wider society only to have their marriages fail when they found they could not suppress the feelings of same sex attraction. I met such men over the years and their experiences of marital breakdown, estrangement from their children in some cases, is not something I would wish on anyone. I turned to Christianity, Roman Catholicism in particular, in an effort to find a more positive identity, even considering taking up religious life with the Congregation of St. Basil, thinking I could find fulfillment in a life of celibacy and piety while I suppressed my homosexuality. However, the Catholic community of which I was a part were accepting and  loving of me as a gay man and encouraged me to accept who I am. I am no longer Roman Catholic, but still have a soft spot for the Catholic community that welcomed me.

There are people who claim to be “cured” of their homosexuality or have “chosen” to stop being gay. The most notable example that comes to mind is that of the actress Anne Heche who was involved in a relationship with Ellen DeGeneres from 1997-2000. Following her lesbian relationship, Ms. Heche married a man with whom she had a son in 2002. In her case I think it is doubtful she is gay. I remember hearing someone quip once that she thought she had found “the man of her dreams” in Ellen DeGeneres. I know of two men from my past (before I met Mika), whom I knew to be gay, who have gone this route. One is now married to a woman with whom he has two children; the other I have long since lost track of his whereabouts. I last saw him by chance some years ago in the company of some women from the Church group that was helping him overcome his homosexuality. All I can say about this is I hope this is what they really want and that they find happiness, though I find the whole business very dubious and fear it will end badly for them. Time will tell.

The best response I can think of when confronted with religious people who insist being gay is either a choice or a sickness is to tell them, paraphrasing the quote from Goethe, is “God made me this way; if you have an issue with my being gay, take it up with God.” The best thing you can offer to someone who is sexually confused or questioning is encourage them not to worry and not be in a hurry to declare one way or the other their sexual preferences. The most important thing for anyone is to be true to yourself and not try to conform to the expectations of those around you be they gay or straight.

Posted by Geoffrey

3 thoughts on “If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise. — Johann von Goethe (1749-1832)

  1. Helena Fortissima

    This is a very honest, forthright post. Back in the 80s, I worked at a psych hospital with adolescents, some of whom were struggling with same sex attraction, and I remember a couple of boys who ended up being enrolled in a Clockwork Orange-like aversive conditioning program at Emory. The idea was to use sexual images of men paired with unpleasant stimulation to turn off their gayness. They ended up being so messed up by that, and it was just horrible. For a church to promote being anything but who you are seems downright un-Christian. Jesus had no problem with acceptance; what makes these other folks so special?

    Reply
  2. iancochrane

    With all the violence & the real wrongs in the world @ any single moment, it just astounds me how some people are stuck on this issue. We are all human beings. If some wish to marry, I don’t see what the hangup is.

    We should be sorting & implementing whatever legislation is needed & moving on to those `real’ issues.

    Well done with the post.
    Cheers, ic

    Reply
  3. jijji131313

    Geoffrey, I love how you express your feelings and emotions in your writing. This helps everyone understand how you must have felt at different points in your life.

    For the most part, I agree with you. It is not just Christianity and churches that have been discriminatory towards gays, but definitely society.

    I’m 35 years old and though my life I’ve seen a drastic change when it comes to acceptance of gays. Yet, I don’t even understand why must anyone have to fight for acceptance. This really makes no sense to me. There are so many horrible things in the world worth fighting for, and it’s sad to know that people must fight for just their right to be who they are.

    I do understand where you are coming from and I understand that gays may be targeted stronger than any other group, but they are not the sole target. Churches in particular are very discriminatory towards women. I honestly don’t ever want to be part of any church.

    As for choosing a lifestyle. I do believe that every person has control of what they choose to do with their life and how they choose to live their life. I still believe that being gay is not a choice. The same way that being straight is not a choice, but I also do believe that there is a grey area. As a matter of fact, I believe that very few people all purely straight or purely gay.

    Regardless, people should accept people for who they are. As a Christian, I will say that many or even most of the Christians I know do not act at all like Christ did, and if they were ever to be judged as strongly as they judge others, they would be the 1st to go to hell. With that said, I wish that all young people would love themselves and accept themselves with the notion that I accept everyone just as they are.

    Reply

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