I like gay romance in print and on film. The positive portrayal of romance and intimacy between two men or high school boys is lovely. Gay youth and men exist and have the same need for love and companionship as the heterosexual majority. Especially given that in Western society, intimacy between men was criminalized for a long time–it was considered “gross indecency” and punishable by imprisonment. Beyond that, public prejudice was prevalent throughout the 20th century. I remember it well. Recently, I met up with a man I knew in high school. We had not seen each other since graduation in 1980. We met through a mutual friend and ex of mine. I had no idea that my high school buddy was gay. We are both in our sixties and retired. I am happily partnered, and he is single. It was good to see him again.

We reminisced about our high school days. Neither my friend nor I knew the other was gay then. I brought up a funny moment from our grade nine history class. We covered the reign of Queen Elizabeth I in class, and among the adjectives in the textbook Elizabeth was described as “gay.” There was laughter in the classroom, and our teacher asked what we thought gay meant. My friend jokingly interjected, “We know what gay means today.” I laughed with the rest of the class, and that moment was indelibly etched in my memory. The irony was lost on us at the time. On a serious note, he told me about the bullying and harassment he received from other students. Among other things, they scrawled “fag” on his pickup truck (we went to high school in rural Eastern Ontario). Again, I was dumbfounded. I had no idea that he was gay and bullied. I was called “fairy,” faggot,” “homo,” “pansy,” and “queer” from middle school on. It was not a daily occurrence; most was the childish schoolyard banter that teenagers hurl at one another. Still, it hurt. Looking back, I knew that I was different. By my early teens, I was struck by the appearance of older boys in the same way that a heterosexual youth appreciated young women. I remember the young man featured on a magazine cover in my middle school library. It was a photo of him on the soccer pitch, dressed in his shorts, Jersey, with black hair and long legs. I felt the ping of Cupid’s arrow, and it frightened and confused me.

Male homosexuality was generally not discussed when I was growing up. References to it were in crude jokes and hateful remarks. I recall watching the film The Day of the Jackal on television with my family in the mid-1970s. When the scene came where a man in a Turkish bath picked up the Assassin, my Aunt laughed raucously and said, “Queer!” It cut like a knife. There were no gay youth groups when I was in middle school and high school. It was a difficult and lonely time for my high school buddy and me. Despite the hostile atmosphere surrounding male homosexuality in the 1970s, a television movie called Terraces addressed the subject of gay romance and intimacy with sensitivity. That was a welcome change of pace.

My old chum and I survived our school days as young gays and got on with our lives. Like everyone else, we experienced joys and sorrows along the way. It is good that in the Autumn of our lives, we see that gay romance is accepted as an expression of human intimacy. The Netflix series Young Royals and Heartstopper are endearing in portraying gay teen romance. I could not be happier that gay boys growing up in the present live in a world where their sexual orientation is accepted and tolerated, at the very least. Still, I am concerned that series such as Young Royals and Heartstopper idealize gay relationships. The reality is that gay men fall in love and form relationships, but it is not without drama and does not always have a happy ending.

Being gay is quite ordinary. There is nothing glamorous or extraordinary in it. Having a homosexual orientation means that you are romantically and sexually attracted to members of your sex. It is no different than being heterosexual. There is no shortage of dramas and romantic comedies that feature heterosexual couples. The impression I get from some of the fan responses to series such as Young Royals and Heartstopper is that there is something exotic and noble about being gay. That is, publicly declaring your homosexuality or allyship with gay people makes you noteworthy. I am a gay man; it is no secret. I hope people appreciate me for the man I am, an actor, writer and thinker, not a gay actor, writer, and thinker. No, my sexual orientation is incidental. I dated and had relationships with other men before I met Mika. No one said dating and finding a long-term companion was easy. I had my heart broken in the process. I had relationships that ended badly. The same thing happens to heterosexuals; it is a part of life. Ultimately, I found Mika, and we have been together for twenty-five years. We have a good life together, and we hope we are a living example in reality for young gay men who yearn for a happy, long-term relationship.

Posted by Geoffrey